Both translations are in verse, but they move differently on the page. Fitzgerald writes in a flexible English iambic line, often pulling back from the full pentameter to produce something shorter and more urgent. His diction is elevated but not archaic: "old leaves, cast on the ground by wind, young leaves / the greening forest bears when spring comes in" (Book 6) reads as formal English, not Homer's Greek. Green writes longer lines that tend to crowd syllables in, and his register is more mixed. In the Book 9 passage, Fitzgerald gives the clean antithesis "I lose all hope of home / but gain unfading glory," while Green writes "I'll lose my homecoming, but gain imperishable renown." Green's phrasing is slightly more literal; Fitzgerald's is more shaped for the ear. Fitzgerald's translation makes decisions on the reader's behalf. He cuts the opening of the Book 5 exchange, removing Athena's introductory line and her identification of herself, and moves directly to her speech. Green keeps those lines: "Then in answer to him spoke the goddess, grey-eyed Athēnē." That retention reflects Green's priority: staying close to Homer's formulaic repetitions rather than smoothing them away. Green also marks his accent notation (Pēleus, Hādēs, Achilles) and uses footnotes, which signals a scholarly intent. Fitzgerald's text runs clean, aimed at reading aloud. Each approach costs something: Fitzgerald loses the texture of Homeric repetition; Green sometimes loads a line with more weight than an English reader can comfortably carry.
Anger be now your song, immortal one,
Akhilleus' anger, doomed and ruinous,
that caused the Akhaians loss on bitter loss
and crowded brave souls into the undergloom,
leaving so many dead men—carrion
for dogs and birds; and the will of Zeus was done.
Wrath, goddess, sing of Achilles Pēleus's son's
calamitous wrath, which hit the Achaians with countless ills—
many the valiant souls it saw off down to Hādēs,
souls of heroes, their selves1 left as carrion for dogs
and all birds of prey, and the plan of Zeus was fulfilled
from the first moment those two men parted in fury,
Atreus's son, king of men, and the godlike Achilles.