Both translations work in verse, but their line lengths and registers differ noticeably. Wilson writes in fairly compressed, conversational English with short syntactic units. Her opening gives "which caused the Greeks immeasurable pain," a plain declarative that moves fast. Jordan tends toward slightly longer lines with a more formal arrangement: "ruinous, that caused the Greeks untold ordeals" puts the adjective out front and reaches for a heavier noun. In the Book 9 passage, Wilson's Achilles says "my chance of ever going home is lost," which sounds close to ordinary speech. Jordan gives "I will die soon but my fame will never die," a line that leans on its own internal echo. Wilson's register stays closer to contemporary usage throughout; Jordan's sits a step above it without touching archaic diction. Wilson's stated approach prioritizes accessibility and directness. In the Book 21 passage, she cuts the final detail of the sword going in "to the hilt" and removes several lines present in the Greek, keeping the emotional core without the physical particulars. Jordan stays closer to the Greek sequence, including "a flying spear or arrow loosed from his string," which matches the original's two-weapon list. Wilson gains speed and readability; she loses some specificity. Jordan retains more of the Greek's structural shape and tends to preserve discrete details that Wilson omits or folds together. In the leaves passage at Book 6, Wilson adds "The wind shakes some to earth" as a distinct sentence; Jordan compresses the same image into one clause. Each choice changes what the reader receives and what stays offscreen.
Goddess, sing of the cataclysmic wrath
of great Achilles, son of Peleus,
which caused the Greeks immeasurable pain
and sent so many noble souls of heroes
to Hades, and made men the spoils of dogs,
a banquet for the birds, and so the plan
of Zeus unfolded—starting with the conflict
between great Agamemnon, lord of men,
and glorious Achilles.
Sing, goddess, of Peleus' son Achilles' anger,
ruinous, that caused the Greeks untold ordeals,
consigned to Hades countless valiant souls,
heroes, and left their bodies prey for dogs
or feast for vultures. Zeus's will was done
from when those two first quarreled and split apart,
the king, Agamemnon, and matchless Achilles.