Mitchell writes in a loose contemporary free verse, keeping lines short and vocabulary plain. His opening reads "The rage of Achilles, sing it now, goddess, sing through me," which sounds close to ordinary speech. Merrill uses a strict dactylic hexameter modeled on the Greek meter, producing longer, more rhythmically formal lines: "Sing now, goddess, the wrath of Achilles the scion of Peleus." That line scans carefully but moves slowly. The difference in register shows clearly in Book 21, where Mitchell gives Achilles "So courage, my friend" and Merrill gives "No, friend, you die also." Mitchell's phrasing is relaxed; Merrill's keeps a slightly elevated, studied tone throughout. Neither translator reaches for genuinely archaic language, but Merrill's syntax is often inverted in ways that mark the verse as formal. Merrill is working toward the Greek line-for-line, preserving repeated epithets ("bright-eyed Athena," "silvery feet") and keeping the oral-formulaic texture intact. This fidelity to the source shows in the Book 9 passage, where he gives all seven lines of Achilles' two-fates speech where Mitchell compresses to six and cuts the phrase "death's finality." Mitchell removes material he considers redundant and rewrites for a reader who wants the story to move. In the Book 6 leaves passage, Mitchell paraphrases, adding "one generation comes to life while another one passes away," which has no Greek equivalent. Merrill stays close to the Greek syntax even when that produces awkward English. Mitchell produces readable narrative verse; Merrill produces something closer to a performing text that carries the structure of the original.
The rage of Achilles—sing it now, goddess, sing through me
the deadly rage that caused the Achaeans such grief
and hurled down to Hades the souls of so many fighters,
leaving their naked flesh to be eaten by dogs
and carrion birds, as the will of Zeus was accomplished.
Begin at the time when bitter words first divided
that king of men, Agamemnon, and godlike Achilles.
Sing now, goddess, the wrath of Achilles the scion of Peleus,
ruinous rage which brought the Achaians uncounted afflictions;
many the powerful souls it sent to the dwelling of Hades,
those of the heroes, and spoil for the dogs it made of their bodies,
plunder for all of the birds, and the purpose of Zeus was accomplished—
sing from the time when first stood hostile, starting the conflict,
Atreus' scion, the lord of the people, and noble Achilles.