Fagles writes in free verse with irregular line lengths and a contemporary register. His diction stays close to modern American speech, with occasional punches of colloquial force. In Book 21, he has Achilles say "Come, friend, you too must die. Why moan about it so?" The rhythm is loose and conversational. Merrill uses a stricter metrical form, dactylic hexameter in English, which produces longer, more unwieldy lines. His version of the same moment reads "No, friend, you die also — and why in this way are you moaning?" The syntax is inverted and the phrasing formal, at times awkward. Fagles also compresses: his Book 6 leaves passage runs five lines to Merrill's four, yet Fagles adds imagery ("living timber bursts") that is not in the Greek. Merrill stays plainer and closer to the Greek word order. Fagles prioritizes readability and dramatic impact. He expands, reorders, and occasionally adds words to keep the English moving quickly. In Book 9, he renders Achilles' two fates in six compact lines and cuts the opening reference to Thetis entirely, which changes the speech's frame. Merrill keeps that reference and translates the passage line by line, aiming to reproduce the structure of the Greek. His approach has scholarly value for readers who want to track what Homer actually said and in what order. The cost is that the English can feel labored, especially in dialogue. Fagles risks giving the reader a smoother experience than the Greek actually delivers. Merrill's version is harder to read but leaves fewer of the translator's own choices between the reader and the original.
Rage—Goddess, sing the rage of Peleus' son Achilles,
murderous, doomed, that cost the Achaeans countless losses,
hurling down to the House of Death so many sturdy souls,
great fighters' souls, but made their bodies carrion,
feasts for the dogs and birds,
and the will of Zeus was moving toward its end.
Sing now, goddess, the wrath of Achilles the scion of Peleus,
ruinous rage which brought the Achaians uncounted afflictions;
many the powerful souls it sent to the dwelling of Hades,
those of the heroes, and spoil for the dogs it made of their bodies,
plunder for all of the birds, and the purpose of Zeus was accomplished—
sing from the time when first stood hostile, starting the conflict,
Atreus' scion, the lord of the people, and noble Achilles.